26 weeks, Day 5
Baby size : 14 in - hothouse cucumber
Baby weight : 1.75 lb
(per BabyBump app)
This is always and forever has been (and forever will be) an uncomfortable subject for me.
When I found out I was pregnant I promised myself I wasn't going to gain as much weight (50 lbs total) as I did when pregnant with my daughter 17 years ago and that I was going to stay as active as possible.
I truly had a genuine determination in this goal.
My weight has been steadily increasing the last few months. At a fairly quick rate.
The first 3 months of my pregnancy was rough - and typically was hard to eat any food. Anything healthy made me want to throw up, so I stuck with a lot of bad foods. I just ate to eat - to keep from being sick. There were no salads or anything involved during this time. The only thing that I could manage to eat and keep down was bread and cheese. Literally. Talk about a model of health. I did stay active and continued with yoga 3-4 times a week and started walking a little bit.
The past few months I have been able to introduce healthier foods back into my diet - I am eating a lot of salads now and generally eating better....HOWEVER, this hunger is strong. My carb craving is strong. My sugar craving is strong. And I'm having a very difficult time keeping it at bay.
When I went in for my apt on 4/4, I had already gained 26 lbs. When I went in again on 4/27, I had gained 33 lbs total.
At that rate, I'm guessing when I go in next week, I will have gained 40 lbs total, if not more. Especially since baby is growing at a super fast rate now. I can't bear to weigh myself at home. I'm so ashamed and angry at myself for letting this happen. Yoga has gone down to once a week and my effort to walk is now at zero. And for the 2-3 months that I have felt good, I am starting to go downhill again about to enter into my 3rd trimester next week. I'm having even more trouble sleeping now, am super uncomfortable, feeling pains everywhere with my growing belly, the indigestion is the pits, I feel sluggish, tired, out of breath and generally just a big fat blob at this point. I can see the weight gain in my face, my arms, my thighs. Gross. I feel it too and I feel disgusting.
I'm having a hard time accepting that this is just how it is and to not beat myself up too much. Once the baby is born, I will work harder than ever to get this excess weight off and to also lose the additional 30 lbs I had been fluctuating with for the last couple of years.
I was unfortunately born with a bad metabolism and have struggled with quick weight gain if I don't stay on top of it constantly. Everyone is different. I know people that can eat whatever they want and work out daily and they look great. I know people who watch what they eat and don't work out and look great. I know people that can eat whatever they want and not work out and look great. With me, it's 90% of what I eat and 10% physical activity. If I eat like crap and worked out every day, I would still gain weight. If I stick to a diet and eat healthy constantly, I lose it without having to really work out.
A couple of years ago I got up to my highest weight EVER (higher than my highest weight when I was pregnant) and I vowed to never reach that again (unless I became pregnant, but still didn't want to get that high). I lost 30 lbs and managed to keep about that much off but had a difficult time trying to get the remaining 25-30 lbs off to reach my goal weight for a couple of years. I dipped down a bit, but crept back up again. When I started really getting into yoga again a few months before I found out I was pregnant, I started feeling good and was on my way to finally starting to work really hard to get the rest of this excess weight off. But then I found out I was pregnant....and here I am today.
I am working on accepting the fact that I have gained this much weight...and I still have possibly 3 more months to go (if I make it that long) with even more weight to be gained. I'm disappointed in myself, but working on just accepting the fact and trying to manage it the best I can without beating myself up about it and just really focus on it as soon as bebe is born and really get back on track then. I know it will help once I am not his sole life force and can really focus on just myself - my own body. The weight gain has been disappointing, but in testing, I don't have gestational diabetes and the only thing that has really been an issue is my blood pressure, but that's under control after a small scare, so I need to focus on all of the positives instead.
My anxiety has been at bay - I haven't felt anxious or depressed, which I am proud of that fact. I need to focus on what is positive and not harp on how much weight I have gained. We are our worst critics though. Staying in the positive will help the next 2-3 months hopefully go by quickly and the sooner I will get to meet this sweet little bebe and hold him in my arms.
These are probably the last photos I will post of me because I'm not feeling the photos anymore. :( First is from January about a month after I found out I was pregnant - I had only gained about 6 lbs or so here. The other two are from yesterday and today for comparison.
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