I Can't Wait To Meet You

If you only knew how much I love you and your aren't even Earthside yet.

So far this pregnancy has been a bit of a whirlwind to say the least.  The situation now is not ideal, but I'm embracing it and moving forward and taking it day by day.  And I'm not freaking out or worried that I won't be able to do this.  I know I can.  I feel the love I already have for my little unborn bebe and the fact that I will be a single mother does not scare me in the least.  It wasn't what I envisioned, but most of the time life doesn't end up as you envisioned anyway.  And it has taken this course for a very important reason.  There are no mistakes.  Only blessings.

The last time I was pregnant was 17/18 years ago with my daughter.  I was so young back then - 22.  There are certain things I remember, but a lot of it I have forgotten.  It's been a very long time.  And let's face it, my memory isn't the greatest.  My journey with my daughter has been the best ever.  I treasure everything we have shared and still share and will continue to share from today forward.  I look at her and am overflowing with pride.  Not because I feel that I am partly responsible for the freaking amazing woman she has grown into, but because she IS and has grown into a phenomenal woman.  As her own person.  And on her own accord. And I've been along for the ride to witness it.  And the fact that God chose me to be her mother, I will be eternally grateful.  I honestly never thought I wanted to be a mother when I was younger, but as I stated above, there are no mistakes.  And although getting pregnant with my daughter was definitely not a planned event, she was the absolute best blessing God has given me.

And up until 7 months ago, I wasn't sure if I would or wanted to be a mother to another child again.  I was beginning to think my time (or window if you will) had passed.

But I left it up to fate.  And today, I am in the middle of another great blessing.  A little baby boy growing inside of me.  I've felt such great love since I knew he was growing inside of me, but it's really starting to feel real.  I know his schedule now.  I know his movements. I know when he's going to react to what I eat or drink.  I talk to him a lot.  I tell him all the time how much he is already loved and how I will protect him with my life.  Just as I would for my 17 year old daughter.  I will do the same for him.

When my daughter was born, I was still together with her father for the first 8-9 months of her life, so I had a lot of support from him in helping with her daily when she was a baby.  He's been a phenomenal dad to her since.  And we have managed to co-parent exceptionally.

I am gearing up for this adventure to be a solo one.  It will be challenging to say the least, but I do have a lot of support with family and friends and I know things will turn out just as the way they were meant to be.  There will be a lot of sleepless nights, there will be bags under my eyes, there will be tempers flaring, there will be tears.  And there will be many many smiles and joyous laughter.  Because I know all of these things - I absolutely realize the challenges that raising a child solo will entail, I choose today to focus on the positive and the blessings and to be the absolute best mom I can be to my son.  Just as I have with my daughter.

My daughter and I took out a lot of her baby pictures the other night and reminisced.  It was so fun and such a fantastic trip down memory lane.  And the fact that I can do that with her is irreplaceable.  I look at the sonogram images of my son and imagine what it will feel like to see him for the first time with my own eyes.  What it will feel like to kiss his sweet cheeks and to see his tiny little fingers and toes and to hold him in my arms.  It seems like I was so impatient throughout this pregnancy - I have to admit, being pregnant is not something that I enjoy so much.  :/  I realize the necessity of it, but I am definitely not one of those women that adore being pregnant.  I know once he is born, there will be aspects that I may miss, but they will quickly pass.  The one thing that I do love about being pregnant is knowing my son is protected by me, his mother.  That no one outside of my body can harm him without coming through me first.  Just knowing that right now I am able to shield him from any emotional or physical pain he may endure through his life is enough to make me want him to stay in here a bit longer.  As much as I can't wait to meet him, I am also so calm and comfortable in the fact that he is truly protected 100% by me right now.  But that won't last forever.  As is the circle of life.

And in a couple of months, I will have 2 children.  Not just 1, but 2.  A daughter and a son!  It's so crazy to say that.

Can't wait to touch your sweet face, baby boy and to smell your sweet skin.  Mama's patiently awaiting your miraculous arrival.  <3

Oh and P.S., today I have officially begun my 3rd trimester going by my actual due date of 8/19.  (Honestly I think I have been in my 3rd trimester for almost 2 weeks now, but I digress).  Week 28 has officially begun!