8/15/16

I woke up the morning of 8/15/16 filled with anxiety.  Not my usual fear-based anxiety, but anxious in wondering how this day would turn out.  If baby was going to be born today, how my labor was going to go...anxiety of the unknown, but a good anxiety.  Anxious to finally meet my baby boy, whom I had waited 9 long months to finally meet.

I didn't get much sleep the night before, but managed to get a few hours in there somewhere.  Sleep had already become a thing of the past as I had become so uncomfortable in my pregnant body physically that I could hardly go another day being pregnant.  As much as I had hoped for a "natural" progression of labor, I was equally as happy to go ahead with the induction since I had made it 39 1/2 weeks.  4 days away from my official due date of 8/19.

My daughter drove me to the hospital and we arrived and checked in just before 8am.  I was scheduled to be induced at 8:30am.

We got checked in and settled into the delivery room where my nurse went over the process and what to expect.  My nurse was super awesome by the way.  I loved her.  She went over the plan with me.  She examined me and I was between 40-50% effaced and 2-3 centimeters dilated with no other signs of labor.  My doctor had sent the plan in, so she went over it with me.  They were going to start me with a pill (Cytotec I believe it was) to get labor started and contractions going and see how things progressed for the first 3-4 hours, then if no significant changes, they were going to go ahead with the Pitocin to really throw me into labor.

Bottoms up.  She gave me the pill at 8:30am. I thought to myself it's really happening.  We are going to have a baby today.  I'm going to finally get to meet my son and hold him for the first time.

My parents arrived shortly after and soon after that my super awesome best friend (designated labor coach) arrived.  I started feeling contractions very soon after taking the pill, but they were bearable.  I was able to get up and walk around since they hadn't started Pitocin, so that was a blessing.  I wasn't confined to the bed.  We got up for a couple of walks around the hallways and over the course of the next couple of hours, I could really feel the contractions getting stronger and closer together.  I was really going to try and get through this labor without an epidural.  At this point, I was thinking maybe I could do it.

I took a really long walk with my best friend down to the cafeteria area to get some lemonade (I was only allowed water and clear liquids at this point).  While we were down there, I felt a lot of moisture between my legs starting to drip and run down my legs...I thought it was my water starting to break, so I quickly made it back up to the room.  The nurse checked me and checked the fluid and it wasn't amniotic fluid.   I had effaced only slightly more and dilated only 1 more centimeter.  So she talked to me about breaking my water to really get things going.  This was somewhere between 11am-12pm.  My daughter had already left - she had to get her Senior portraits done this day at 1, so we were cutting it close.  I was nervous that the baby was going to be born before she got back.  But we went ahead and broke my water.  Almost immediately afterwards, the contractions really started coming on strong.  After they broke my water, this is when things started happening super fast and it's hard to remember exact timelines.  Obviously I did not have to have the Pitocin because now at this point, I was in full on active labor.

Now I was facing my biggest decision.  The contractions were starting to become unbearable at this point and I was getting nervous that I wasn't going to be able to do it without the epidural.  I had always remained open to getting one, I was only TRYING not to.  Key word is trying.  Between this time and around 1, the contractions got so bad that I finally gave in and decided to get the epidural.  They let the anesthesiologist know right away so that I could get in line....he had a couple ahead of me to do.  By this time, my daughter had made it back and we were all in the room.  I was trying to focus on breathing through the contractions, but they were really becoming excruciating.

So I would like to say for all you women out there that have gone through labor and given birth without epidurals, I salute you and bow down to you wholeheartedly because it's the worst pain I've ever felt.  And I know I have a pretty high tolerance for pain.  I know I could have done it if I had to, but I made the decision and knew it was best for me.

It was just a bit after 2pm I believe when he finally arrived.  I was so nervous, but I knew I had to endure it to get through the labor pain.  My mom and my daughter were sitting behind me and I had my nurse and best friend in front of me holding my hands while I was hunched over the pillow for him to insert the epidural into my spine.  He was trying to joke and make light of everything, but while we were sitting there, I knew something was wrong...I felt liquid run down my back.  I asked what was wrong and he just assured me that everything was ok and that he had to try again.  2nd time, I finally felt the medication kick in and my legs started to go numb.  It took a while, but he finally finished up and the tensions subsided.  The epidural was in and successful.  I hated the feeling I had for the first several minutes of having the epidural done, but slowly I started to relax a bit and was more at ease. (*side note, I later found out that somehow he had missed something and what I felt run down my back was blood.  This is when my daughter had gotten up and left the room because she saw this happening behind me*)

My mom and daughter had left the room at this time to go get something to eat....my dad had been out of the room already, so it was just me and my best friend.  The nurse came in to check on me and I guess bebe's heart rate had dropped.  She had to turn me on my side and give me oxygen.  I was really scared there for a few minutes.  I thought something was wrong with the baby, but the nurse assured me that she had it under control, that she wasn't worried....so after what seemed like forever, she finally got his heart rate back up and I finally started to relax into the medication of the epidural and everything was fine.  Contractions were super strong and not far apart by now, but I was completely relaxed and could only feel slight pressure.

So I laid there for a while talking to my best friend and my daughter, mom and dad came back in to visit.  I started feeling a lot of pressure on my bottom and knew that things were starting to progress as I started feeling the sensation that I needed to push.  I called the nurse in and she checked me and sure enough I was minus 2 effacement and 10cm dilated.  This was around 3:30ish I believe.  She rushed to call my doctor to get her to the hospital for delivery.  (her office was only 5 minutes up the road).

I started panicking because I didn't think I was going to be able to hold the baby in.  I now was trying my hardest to hold him in even though everything in me was telling me to push!

My doctor finally got there and they got everything prepped.  My dad and daughter had left the room as soon as she got there and my mom really wanted to stay in the room, so I agreed to let her stay.  I had her and my best friend there.  They got me all ready to start pushing.

Here we go!

I tried to push and nothing happened.  I kept pushing with my legs and it seemed like I forgot how to push for the baby to come out.  Nothing was happening.  I was starting to get worried and panicking that I wasn't going to be able to get the baby out.  They gave me oxygen again, which made me nervous again.  After a few rounds of trying to push but not being successful, my doctor said "ok, we have a full head of dark hair down here...you gotta push Laura!"....I guess something in me finally clicked and that final push, I pushed as hard as I could and he came FLYING out - everyone told me to stop and slow down and I couldn't.  I felt like he flew out of me with full force.  All I remember were tears of joy, gasps of WOW and excitement and my sweet baby boy's first cries.

Welcome baby.  Born 4:35pm.  7 lbs 4 ozs, 21" long.


I couldn't believe it.  He was finally here and he was beautiful and he was PERFECT.

Doctor spent quite a bit of time stitching me up - apparently that amount of force that I did finally found really got me.  :/

It's already been 2 months and I can already feel the memory of that day starting to fade.  So much has happened since that day and it's changed my life in ways I never would have imagined.

Overall I was in labor for a total of 8 hours, which definitely wasn't too bad...considering if you look at it from a normal 8 hour work day perspective.  Ha!  Although the comparison is quite drastic.

The memories of the day may fade but I will never forget that day.  Just as I will never forget that Monday 3/15/1999.

So here I am with 2 babies and my heart is overflowing.  I am so abundantly blessed.  My little family of 3.

4th Trimester

Wow, what a whirlwind!

Welp, all of that worrying about baby coming early and I made it 4 days shy of my due date.  My doctor scheduled an induction on 8/15/16 and sweet baby August Finn was born at 4:35pm that day.  I am going to write a separate post detailing my labor/birth experience. (before I start to forget certain aspects of it)

I have also created a new blog for all things August Finn to continue documenting things about him.  Visit August Finn for those updates.

Little bebe is now 2 months old (+ 5 days, but who's counting).  He weighs over 12 lbs and is super long at 24"!  He's healthy and beautiful and I couldn't be more happy and in love with my baby boy.

The past 2 months have been a mixture of every emotion under the sun to say the least.  Taking care of a newborn 24/7 by yourself is quite a challenge if I do say so myself.  There were a lot of tears, a lot of smiles, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of tempers flaring.

The first month was the most stressful for me.  I had a little help from family, but for the most part, I was flying solo.  I almost lost it on several occasions, but both of us managed to survive the first month of life.

I only breastfed for 5 weeks.  I made it longer than I did with my first and made it past the most important part, but I still miss it and part of me feels guilty (even though I know I shouldn't and have been assured by everyone and his doctor too).  It was entirely too stressful for both of us.  Bebe would try and nurse for sometimes 4 hours at a time.  I don't know if it was a mixture of me not getting him full enough or him just feeling more comforted being on my breast.  Either way, it just didn't work out.  I tried pumping for about a week and it continued to be too stressful/too much, so we went formula exclusive several weeks ago.  The transition has gone fine.  He's gaining weight and happy, so I am comfortable in my decision.

His dad has seen him 4 times now - 2 hour visits with his family each time.  They've gone well, but I am unsure what the future holds.  For now, my only concern is my precious baby boy and taking care of him and I.  I hope that some day his father will be a bigger/more contributing part of his life, but for now, I am content with knowing that August Finn is safe and happy with me.

So we are finding our new normal and things are starting to smooth out.  I started back to work full time this week, so it's another adjustment for the both of us.  I miss my little monkey like crazy, but also feels good to get back to work and back to another routine.

So I will conclude this and post my labor story which will be my last post in this particular blog.  I will continue to post in Sleeps with Butterflies and now in August Finn so check back there for new posts.

Thanks for following my pregnancy journey.  It was a wild ride and at times wasn't sure if I was going to make it through, but we did and both baby and Mama are happy and healthy! :)

Day 263 / 37 Weeks, Day 5

17 more days to go
per BabyBump App

Good Lord, I can't imagine going 17 more days, but who knows.

Doc visit was completely uneventful yesterday.  My weight is the same and I'm exact same as last Wednesday apt.  2 cm dilated and 30-40% effaced.

My daughter is back home from vacation, so I'm definitely ready for the "any day now" scenario.  At this point, the sooner the better.  Everything hurts, I can't sleep and I'm more than ready to hold this sweet little boy in my arms and smell his sweet skin.

Come on baby boy!!

Day 257 / 36 Weeks, Day 6

Just got back from the doc and everything looks good and is progressing!  Any day now!!

Baby is still head down, less amniotic fluid around the baby, which is a good sign at this stage.  I am almost 2 cm dilated and between 30-40% effaced.  Belly measures 37 1/2-38 weeks and baby still measures about 2 weeks bigger.

Keeping my fingers crossed that he waits for big sister to come home on Sunday the 31st!!

Wild Ride - Day 255 / 36 weeks, Day 4

Well it's certainly been a wild ride over the last month.  And a VERY tough month for me might I add.

I had a scare with my blood pressure again and my anxiety started acting up badly.  I managed to get all of that back under control within about a 2 week time frame, but it wasn't easy and it was really hard on me.

I woke up on Thursday 7/21 having had contractions in the middle of the night all night and with them ongoing, I finally called my doc on Saturday and went into L&D to get checked out.  My contractions were 2-3 minutes apart, but my cervix did not dilate within a few hours time, so they sent me home.  I was contracting still until the middle of the night last night when they have now subsided.  I had a dream that I went to visit Mr. Miagi from Karate Kid in my dream last night and he worked his magic and had the contractions stop for me.  LOL.  I am still giggling about my dream.  Whatever works though.  I was really dreading having to deal with constant contractions for another few days to couple of weeks.

My due date is coming up quickly - cycle still 8/19, sono is now showing 2 weeks ahead as opposed to 3 weeks at 8/8.

As of last week, baby was measuring 6 lbs 12 oz and I was 1 cm dilated and 0% effaced....which I still was when I was in the hospital on Saturday.  The sono last week also still showed a lot of excess amnio fluid.  I go back to the doctor on Wednesday 7/27 if nothing happens in the meantime.

So I'm back home now working from home and feeling better.  On top of everything else, my daughter is in Colorado on vacation with her dad and his family and doesn't get back until 7/31, so I was worried that little bebe was going to come while she is gone.  Which could still be the case, but hoping since my contractions have stopped, that it was just my body and baby getting prepared for delivery.  :)

During my anxiety/bp issues a couple of weeks ago, I ended up losing 5 lbs...which I guess wasn't such a bad thing, since I just kept creeping up higher and higher.  So as of last week, I had fluctuated up and down to where I have gained a total of 47 lbs total.  Which I'm ok with.  I haven't been very hungry since all of the steady contractions and I'm trying to watch what I eat more, so hopefully I don't gain too much more for this last stint of pregnancy...whether that be today or a couple of more weeks from now.  If I could hang on for atleast another week, I would be happy because my daughter will be back and he would be considered "full term" at over 37 weeks.  But at this point, it truly could happen at any minute.  For the moment, I am just thankful that the constant contractions have subsided and I am comfortable at the moment and was able to get some fairly decent sleep last night.

Babycita had still been exploring breech position up until last week again.  He was head up, head down, head up, head down from one week to the next, but finally had gone back to head down last week and was still that way Saturday - I THINK he's still faced that way at the moment.  He's becoming a big boy as I can now feel he's really filling into my stomach and running out of room to move around and grow much more.

So I am all prepared for his arrival at any time now.  All necessities are in place and mentally, I am totally ready.  So little bebe, whenever you are ready to make your appearance Earthside, Mama is here waiting to hold you in my arms.  <3

Wild Ride - Day 255 / 36 weeks, Day 4

Well it's certainly been a wild ride over the last month.  And a VERY tough month for me might I add.

I had a scare with my blood pressure again and my anxiety started acting up badly.  I managed to get all of that back under control within about a 2 week time frame, but it wasn't easy and it was really hard on me.

I woke up on Thursday 7/21 having had contractions in the middle of the night all night and with them ongoing, I finally called my doc on Saturday and went into L&D to get checked out.  My contractions were 2-3 minutes apart, but my cervix did not dilate within a few hours time, so they sent me home.  I was contracting still until the middle of the night last night when they have now subsided.  I had a dream that I went to visit Mr. Miagi from Karate Kid in my dream last night and he worked his magic and had the contractions stop for me.  LOL.  I am still giggling about my dream.  Whatever works though.  I was really dreading having to deal with constant contractions for another few days to couple of weeks.

My due date is coming up quickly - cycle still 8/19, sono is now showing 2 weeks ahead as opposed to 3 weeks at 8/8.

As of last week, baby was measuring 6 lbs 12 oz and I was 1 cm dilated and 0% effaced....which I still was when I was in the hospital on Saturday.  I go back to the doctor on Wednesday 7/27 if nothing happens in the meantime.

So I'm back home now working from home and feeling better.  On top of everything else, my daughter is in Colorado on vacation with her dad and his family and doesn't get back until 7/31, so I was worried that little bebe was going to come while she is gone.  Which could still be the case, but hoping since my contractions have stopped, that it was just my body and baby getting prepared for delivery.  :)

During my anxiety/bp issues a couple of weeks ago, I ended up losing 5 lbs...which I guess wasn't such a bad thing, since I just kept creeping up higher and higher.  So as of last week, I had fluctuated up and down to where I have gained a total of 47 lbs total.  Which I'm ok with.  I haven't been very hungry since all of the steady contractions and I'm trying to watch what I eat more, so hopefully I don't gain too much more for this last stint of pregnancy...whether that be today or a couple of more weeks from now.  If I could hang on for atleast another week, I would be happy because my daughter will be back and he would be considered "full term" at over 37 weeks.  But at this point, it truly could happen at any minute.  For the moment, I am just thankful that the constant contractions have subsided and I am comfortable at the moment and was able to get some fairly decent sleep last night.

Babycita had still been exploring breech position up until last week again.  He was head up, head down, head up, head down from one week to the next, but finally had gone back to head down last week and was still that way Saturday - I THINK he's still faced that way at the moment.  He's becoming a big boy as I can now feel he's really filling into my stomach and running out of room to move around and grow much more.

So I am all prepared for his arrival at any time now.  All necessities are in place and mentally, I am totally ready.  So little bebe, whenever you are ready to make your appearance Earthside, Mama is here waiting to hold you in my arms.  <3

Day 222 / 31 Weeks, Day 6 OR Day 238 / 34 Weeks, Day 1

Staring down the finish line.

I don't have another appointment until next week.

Symptoms as of late:
-  Swollen ankles/feet
-  Super emotional - can cry at the drop of a hat
-  Slight panic/anticipation as labor and delivery (and reality) draws nearer
-  Sleep deprived - Unable to get a good night's rest due to physically being uncomfortable and/or crazy dreams
-  Feeling fat and unhappy with my appearance
-  Super irritable - getting frustrated easily
-  Sweating profusely :( due to hormones and the fact that it's 100 degrees now.  My deodorant is failing me terribly
-  Sluggish, unmotivated


I am trying to stay positive and count the blessings because it does feel like the pains are outweighing the good at this point.  So I'm trying to keep my mindset in a positive one.  It's difficult at times, but when I feel frustrated, I try and think of something or say something to myself that is positive.

I am growing a little human inside of me.  My son.  I feel him moving constantly.  The bond I am creating with him is immeasurable.  He is 100% protected by me for the time being.  All of the pains and the emotions are all worth it in the end.